Yesterday marked my fourth month on ARV’s. I know that you’ll get bored when I say that I don’t have side effects. No rashes, no more fever, no more body pains. Lab tests are all ok. Uhmm, I can pretty much say that my body has adjusted and is responding well to my meds. Yey!
Last night, I watched PULSES at The Libraray Bar in Malate with a fellow poz and some friends. Someone already warned me to bring tissue as this one will really make me cry. And it did. The play is all about real life experiences of PLHIV:
The one who decided to leave the country after finding out his sero-positive status: “Gusto kong lumayo, sa lugar na hindi ako pamilyar. Ang mga building hindi ko alam , ang mga tao hindi ko kilala.”….”Ayoko ng maligaw, gusto ko ng umuwi. Gusto ko sa lugar na alam ko ang mga building. Ayoko na sa dilim.”
The stigma experienced by the mother and child from a province down south. “3 oras, pitumpu’t dalawang oras na lang. Hindi ako pwedeng matulog. Sana ako ang mauna.... Apat na araw na, HOPE.”
The commitment to that one person regardless of his status, acceptance and true love. “I don’t know what was that kiss for.... I looked at the clock, it doesn’t stop. “
The part that I love most was the “roof top” scene. It made me realized that our doctors, are not just there to help us be physically fit. They are also there to help us emotionally and unload ourselves of the burden we are carrying. But it doesn’t stop there, we pass it on to them and they carry it with them too. Our pain is also their pain, our joys is also theirs. Have you seen the smile on their faces every time we tell them that we’re ok and that we feel better. This means so much to them, because they know that they were able to save a life and help a “friend”.
“Doon sa condo na yun Tita, sa 16th floor, Si Arjay and Kevin, seven years ago halos buto’t balat na, sila pa din ngayon. Sa 9th floor, si Benjie, Director na siya. At doon, sa Bus Station na yun, dun ako nakatira. Gusto ko magpasagasa sa bus noon. Pero eto ako ngayon, councilor. Dahil sa’yo tita.”
These are some of the lines from the play which I can recall. Probably because those lines and scenes brought tears to my eyes. Tama nga si Doc Kate, one of the doctors from my hub, this is her tweet “Maraming nangyayari sa buhay ng mga tao once they leave the clinic.” At walang ibang tutulong sa atin kundi ang sarili lang natin. We may have the best doctor in town, we may be enrolled in the best “university”, our body maybe responding to the medicines well but what really matter is what we feel inside. The emotional pain we are going through or have gone through. I know this is cliché, but as they say, “The pain will always be there and will never go away for as long as you want it to stay.” So help yourself, trust in the Lord and everything will be ok.
One more thing, I will never forget this line…Kasi kahit ako, despite my status, nangangarap pa din ng isang taong makakasama sa buhay na tatanggapin ako at mamahalin ako ng buo. Magpapakilig sa akin at pag hinalikan ako, ang masasabi ko lang ay…”Gagagarigagagagaa….”
To all the PLHIV like me, we should never stop dreaming, believing and loving. You'll never know how many people you inspire, how many people look up to you. You'll never know how many lives are you touching and how many lives are you saving.
***This was written almost midnight December 1, but was posted only today. 30th of the month is my ARV "monthsary".
***This was written almost midnight December 1, but was posted only today. 30th of the month is my ARV "monthsary".
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