Love Actually

(Warning: Another long, boring read. Not for the weak of the heart.)

 When people ask me why am I still single (may itsura naman daw ako at mabait – ehem. Hahaha!) I would always smile and say, “Wala na akong puso, nalaglag kinain ng aso.”  Until one day during the love month I started tweeting and posting sweet nothings. People started asking if I have a partner already. This time I would give them a big smile and say, “May nakakita na ng asong kumain ng puso ko, naibalik na.”  Yes, dear friends and imaginary readers, Angel is officially taken and we have recently celebrated our second month together.

Here’s what happened how this Angel has found his new love:

• One boring Saturday night during the love month, we met on Grindr (Yes, I have account in Grindr but we both deleted our account without even asking each other to).

• It only took 5 days before we decided to be an “official’ couple. 

• Since we met on a Sunday, until the wee hours of Friday, we start and end our day by hearing each other’s voice.

• He gave me a surprise visit which led me to telling him all about myself and my HIV status.

• Exact words: “Before we take our friendship any farther, I want to tell you something. And I want the basis of our friendship to be honesty and understanding. I don’t know how to start but I know that I have to tell you this to be fair with you.”

“In our lifetime, we commit mistakes that cannot be reversed. Sometimes it leaves a mark to constantly remind us of our wrong doing. Hindi ako perfect, I have something in me that you may or may not accept . I want you to know that I am HIV positive. I was diagnosed May 21, 2011 and has been on medication since July 30, 2011.”

And that moment of silence. He just held my hands and looked straight into my eyes.

“So what are you thinking? I want to know how you honestly feel about what I just told you.”

He held my hands tighter, looked into my eyes and said, “It’s ok. I like you and I don’t care about what you have in you. I know that I love you the moment I saw you.”

Tears started to fill my eyes. He just wiped it. 

“Ready ka na magkaroon ng pusit na partner?” He replied, “Hindi ka pusit, you are my love.”

And on Februaary 22, Angel is now officially partnered with a very sweet and understanding guy.

• We see each other only on weekends.

• We talk every day. I start the day by waking him up to prepare for work and he would end the day by calling me when we were both in bed already.

• He has met my family – parents, sister and my cousin. 

• I started to go to Alabang, usually on Friday to visit him. Especially if he can’t come home on a Friday because of work.

• We both love to eat and have Milk Tea after.

• We fondly call each other, Love.

• He’s non-poz.

• Yes, I am in a magnetic (positive-negative) relationship. Or some would say, Sero-discordant relationship.

The list could go on. What I am really trying to say is that, it is possible for an HIV positive guy to love and be loved. A lot of people now are more understanding of our situation.  When asked when is the right time to disclose about your status, you still have to weigh things and get to know your potential partner more. You’ll know when you are ready to tell and when he is ready to listen.

Remember that the key to any relationship is Honesty and Respect. You have to be Honest from the get go and Respect each other. If things will be on your favor then it would be nice. But if the potential partner is not ok and not yet ready to have an HIV positive partner, don’t be sad. Respect his decision. Don’t feel ill about him, maybe he is not just ready. And besides we all have our preferences. Do not pity yourself as well, in God’s perfect time the one meant for you will come. Meantime, you just have to enjoy and be at ease with yourself first.

Before going into any relationship, you have to ask yourself a lot of times if this is what you really want and if you really need one.  This is the common mistake not just for PLHIV but people in general. We exert effort to find our “one true love”, when we don’t actually need. We often mistake our longing for companion to longing for love. Remember, we were never love less. We maybe loverless but never loveless.

Being in a relationship or having a partner is not always the solution to the loneliness and depression. Sometimes we have to find a friend and who knows, the friendship will bloom into a more beautiful relationship.  Any good and lasting relationship starts with a good friendship.

I have waited for 9 loooong years. Yes, my last relationship was in 2004. I have dated a few guys once in a while but in went nowhere. I never lost hope and I never searched for one. And it came, unexpectedly. Just when I thought na tatanda akong dalaga (hahaha!) dumating si Love. 

I hope that my fellow poz, twitter friends and imaginary readers will never lose hope on love. And while waiting for the right one, enjoy time with yourself, your family and friends. 

Angel has found Love, actually. 

(Love is in the medical profession. Probably the reason why he understood my condition and has fully accepted me.)