Wednesday, May 01, 2013

A Quarter in the Year of the Snake



(Warning a long read.  You might get bored along the way.)

How are you my imaginary readers?  It’s been a while, I know I promised to write as much as I can but unfortunately, my new schedule at work eats up most of my time.  To those who know me personally, it’s no secret  that I have transferred and moved to a new unit/department in the company which requires me to move around the area.  Anyhow, after a long time of being quiet and a month long hiatus in twitter, I am glad to say that I am back.

A lot of things have happened during the first quarter of the year.  I remembered saying that 2013 is my year.  I claimed it and I think and I must say that so far, the odds are on my favor.

January – Natal Month:

A few days after we welcomed the New Year I turned 33. Before 2012 bid farewell, I said to myself that 33 on 2013 is my lucky year. And so I claimed it. I must say that I am in the pink of health and have never been to ER or visited my Doctor for any untoward incident other than my regular check up.

I have a post celebration of my birthday in Cebu and Bohol with my travel buddies – my Aunts.  Being away in the city for 4 days has helped me soul searched a bit and relaxed from the “hurly burly of the city life”. I remembered the first time I went to the Queen City of the South in 2007, I didn’t know my status yet.  And I must say, it doesn’t make any difference now. Except for the constant reminder of my phone to take my meds at 9am and 9pm.

While in Panglao, Bohol my aunt reminded me to secure my papers and work on my US Visa so we can plan our vacation. I was in awe, and didn’t know how to respond.  Part of me feels excited and a part of me feels sad because I am really half hearted about going to the Big Apple.  We have been talking about this US trip since our Beijing trip last year. And up to now, I have not worked on any single document that I need for the visa. Oh well, the big “American” vacation can wait.

On my birth month, I decided to be active in one of the advocacy groups that I am part of. I attended events and have met new friends.  It is also during one of the assemblies that I met someone who deeply expressed his feelings and showed affection for me.  Flowers, chocolates, cards, letters, regular visits.  What else can I ask for, all the while I thought that he is the one for me. But unfortunately, hindi pwedeng kilig at bait lang. You have to feel something special about the other person and you have to feel the “spark”.  Which unfortunately, I don’t have for the guy.

 February – Love Month

After countless years of celebrating Valentine’s Day alone, I get to spend it with someone this year.  Mr. Sweet Suitor paid me a visit and prepared dinner for me.  And not to mention the flowers and the chocolate that he gave me.  He even made a video of me with one of my favorite songs as the background. I am really speechless.

But, like what I’ve said earlier, hindi pwedeng puro bait at kilig lang. You have to feel something special for the other person. Yes he makes me smile, but I don’t think that it is enough for me to take our friendship to the next level.

A few days after telling Mr. Sweet Suitor that we’re better off as friends I accidentally met someone who has completely swept me off my feet and took my breath away ( I will be posting a different entry for this one).  And as of this writing, Angel and his hubby just celebrated their 2nd month together as a couple and we are working very hard to make it work and to make the relationship strong and to make it last .

After 9 loooong years of waiting and being single, I am proud to say that ANGEL is now officially partnered and very much happy with his hubby which he fondly calls, LOVE.

March – Dare. Care. Share.

As you all know, I am part of the advocacy group Love Yourself. On this month, TLY conducted mass testing for MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) in Victoria Court in Malate.  This is the first time that I have joined TLY’s  major event and to top it all, I was considered to head one of the committees for the said event.

Tiring and very fulfilling. I may not have done much of counseling or educating but I am happy that in my own little way, I was able to help the community through Love Yourself. 

Dare. Care. Share. Love Yourself.

So far, the first quarter of 2013 has been good to me. I was able to disclose to my closest cousin and she has fully accepted me without judgement and without question. And I am hoping and fervently praying that the good and wonderful blessings will continue throughout the year.  For now, I could not ask for more other than good health for me and my family and a significant increase in CD4 come May 7.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Chapter 2012





Doing a quick mental review of the things that has happened to me this year. There were a lot of things to be thankful for and there were some that I wish didn’t happen. Whatever it is, it made me a better person. And it brought me to where I am today.

To the people I have met and to the new friends I have made, thank you.  You made this 2012 a wonderful year for me.

To Loveyourself (Vinn Advocacy) and @philtanpoco, thank you for giving the chance to help other people – especially fellow pozzies in this battle called HIV. I am looking forward to a more meaningful year with the group. Dare. Care. Share.

To my twitter friends – thank you. Our monthly get together is something that I look forward to all the time. I hope that you will still continue to reply to my invites. Ours is a very good support group. And I am happy that we never fail to help each other. Even the smallest gesture is highly appreciated.

To all the people I have hurt in one way or the other, please accept my sincerest apologies. It was never my intention to hurt you. We can always start a new and be friends.

To my bff’s @positHIVe and @tcghiv – it was an amazing year. I am looking forward to another amazing ride with you as we unfold the Chapter that is 2013. 

This year, I have visited the hospital more than I think I can imagine. I was rushed to the ER more than 10 times. Had an operation on my left foot – twice. And you are always there, you never left my side until you knew that I am ok. Papa and Mama – thank you and I love you. You may be clueless on the things I have gone through, going through and will go through but you never asked me. You just keep on showing your love for me. 

Ate – for understanding and caring. For not judging me. For simply accepting me. I know there are still questions in your mind but you never asked me why and just let things be. Thank you and I love you.

It has been an interesting and wonderful ride. There were a lot of unexpected twists and turns but I managed. As what I keep on telling my fellow pozzies, let us enjoy the ride, cherish the moment and experience as we learn new things and treasure the lessons that we learn and we will learn along the way.

On my entry last year, I said “Iba ka 2011, iibahin kita 2012” I think I did. It has been an amazing ride, and I am looking forward to a more wonderful, amazing ride with all of you guys in 2013.

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful new year. As for me, I wish that this year, I will bump into that someone who will understand and accept me for who and what I am (just a wishful thinking) and while waiting for that time, I will just enjoy the moment.

Prosperous New Year to everyone.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Happy Holidays!






39 bottles and 1,170 pills since I started taking ARV’s, I come to celebrate my second Christmas as a poz.

These are my other other Christmas tree at home (good thing I am alone in the house). And these are the only thing that has been loyal to me for more than a year already :-)

To all the people whom I have hurt in one way or the other – please accept my sincerest apologies.

To everyone who has touched my life – THANK YOU.

Here’s a simple wish list to all my poz friends:


1.       High/increase in CD4 count.
2.       Low/Undetectable Viral Load
3.       Good physical health
4.      Clear and open mind to accept the thing that has been going on with our lives and do the right thing about it.
5.       And most importantly, a better and closer relationship with the Lord.


To my non-poz friends and imaginary readers, THANK YOU for the acceptance and understanding. With people like you, this has been an easy battle for us. Let us continue fighting together to end the stigma.

Wishing everyone a meaningful Christmas well spent with your families and loved ones. And as we continue with the festivities, let us not forget  the true meaning of our celebration – Jesus Christ our savior.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Saturday, December 01, 2012

World AIDS Day



While everybody else is busy buying and wrapping gifts. Making sure that every one on the list has at least a small package to open on Christmas day. The LGBT community is busy with the activities for today.

Today is World AIDS Day.

Today we stand united, not just in spreading awareness about HIV/AIDS. We stand united in fighting the STIGMA.

Regardless of the group where you belong or the way you want to help, WE ARE ONE in this cause.

We are all in for a "One Big Fight".

This is also the day to salute all my brothers who are living with the virus - let us all give this a good fight. We are warriors. We will show everyone that whatever the world throws at us, we can still do something. We can be someone who can make a difference.

Today, we also remember our brothers who have fought and lost. They are in a better place now. They have given this battle a good fight.  But the Lord needs more warrior up there to guide us in our fight here on Earth. To our brothers who have gone to rest - 'til we meet again.

Today...

DARE to stand and be heard.

CARE to lend a hand and help.

SHARE a hug and LOVE.

 Today is World AIDS Day. A day to DARE. CARE. SHARE.




Sunday, November 25, 2012

I am Number Four



It started with 31.

74 after eleven months.

154 after six months.

From initial of 31, CD4 result always ends up with 4. Probably it will be 444 after six months.

Whether it ends in 0 or 9, it doesn't matter. As long as the count and number is increasing - who cares anyway.

Thank you to my Doctor for her kindness. You are one of the reasons why the numbers are increasing.

To my friends, who are always there for me. For always making me smile.

It really has no way but up.

What is your number?

I am number four.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Isang Tula




Sa buhay natin
Dumarating ang panahon ng
Kalungkutan at pangungulila

Ng biniro ako ng tadhana
Sinubok ang aking tatag at paniniwala
Kaibigan ang ibinigay na himala

Pait at hapdi, napalitan ng ngiti
Buhay kong malaon na’y
Muling binigyan ng kulay

Masaya, magulo, nakalilito
Puso’y kumakaba tuwing magkikita
Ganito pala ‘pag umiibig na

Sa mga pagsubok, bumigay ang marupok
Puso’y sinugatan, iniwang luhaan
Diyos ko, ako’y huwag pabayaan

Sa aking kapighatian,
Kaibigan ang naging kanlungan
Pilit hinilom aking pusong sugatan.

Siya’y iyo ng iwan, huwag nang ipaglaban.
Kumapit ng mahigpit, huwag bibitiwan
Nalilito na ang aking isipan

Sa bandang huli, pag-ibig ang nanaig
Usapang taimtim nauwi sa pagniniig
Aking bulaklak wagas ang dilig

Isa, dalawa, tatlo
Dumaang panahon hindi ko na mabilang
‘Pagkat pag-ibig na wagas ay walang hanggan
  
Dalangin ko ngayon  
Poon kami’y gabayan, buhay ay ingatan
Kami’y huwag pabayaan

Irog, tanggapin ang alay ko
Pag-ibig at buong buhay alay sa’yo
Hanggang ako’y tawagin na ni San Pedro

At kapag ang oras ay dumating
Iyong alalahanin, ako’y maghahanda na
Ng napakagandang dambana

Pahirin ang luha, palitan ng tuwa
Ika’y sasalubungin, kokoronahan ng bituin
Tayo’y mga anghel na sa langit na hangarin


*** I wrote this poem last year for my best friend and her partner. They celebrated their 10th year of being together last year and exchanged their vows in Tagaytay, 6 of us witness on that special day...

Monday, August 27, 2012

HERO


Today we celebrate National Heroes Day in the Philippines.

Encarta defined HERO as somebody who commits an act of remarkable bravery or who has shown an admirable quality such as great courage or strength of character. 

Jose Rizal, Apolinario Mabini, Andres Bonifacio, Gabriela Silang, Melchora Aquino. These are the few people in history that showed great amount of courage and bravery in defending our country during the time of war and invasion. Through pens, guns and by helping others.  

Today, OFW’s are considered modern day heroes. Filipinos who has to leave their family here and work abroad to secure a good future for them. 
 
Life is a constant battle. Every day we fight to live. Every day is journey to take.  And I believe that there is a hero in each of us. And I admire all my viral brothers for giving this battle a good fight. I know that since day one that we have learned that we are HIV positive it has made a great change in our lives. 

Hat’s off to all of you who have shown great courage to accept our condition. Disclose to your loved ones. And continue to dream big and make those dreams come true. Acceptance is the key to everything and a very good relationship with GOD. 

To the families and friends who have accepted us, thank you. For being strong for us. You are our heroes.

To the advocates and NGO’s for tirelessly and selflessly helping us.  For all the works you have been doing in reaching out to PLHIV’s, thank you. You are our heroes.

To all people living with HIV, saludo ako sa inyo. Sa atin. Tayo ang mga bayani ng sarili nating buhay. Tuloy ang laban. Tuloy ang buhay. Happy National Heroes Day to all of us.

Mabuhay tayong mga BAYANI ng ating BUHAY.