Chapter 2012

Doing a quick mental review of the things that has happened to me this year. There were a lot of things to be thankful for and there were some that I wish didn’t happen. Whatever it is, it made me a better person. And it brought me to where I am today.

To the people I have met and to the new friends I have made, thank you.  You made this 2012 a wonderful year for me.

To Loveyourself (Vinn Advocacy) and @philtanpoco, thank you for giving the chance to help other people – especially fellow pozzies in this battle called HIV. I am looking forward to a more meaningful year with the group. Dare. Care. Share.

To my twitter friends – thank you. Our monthly get together is something that I look forward to all the time. I hope that you will still continue to reply to my invites. Ours is a very good support group. And I am happy that we never fail to help each other. Even the smallest gesture is highly appreciated.

To all the people I have hurt in one way or the other, please accept my sincerest apologies. It was never my intention to hurt you. We can always start a new and be friends.

To my bff’s @positHIVe and @tcghiv – it was an amazing year. I am looking forward to another amazing ride with you as we unfold the Chapter that is 2013. 

This year, I have visited the hospital more than I think I can imagine. I was rushed to the ER more than 10 times. Had an operation on my left foot – twice. And you are always there, you never left my side until you knew that I am ok. Papa and Mama – thank you and I love you. You may be clueless on the things I have gone through, going through and will go through but you never asked me. You just keep on showing your love for me. 

Ate – for understanding and caring. For not judging me. For simply accepting me. I know there are still questions in your mind but you never asked me why and just let things be. Thank you and I love you.

It has been an interesting and wonderful ride. There were a lot of unexpected twists and turns but I managed. As what I keep on telling my fellow pozzies, let us enjoy the ride, cherish the moment and experience as we learn new things and treasure the lessons that we learn and we will learn along the way.

On my entry last year, I said “Iba ka 2011, iibahin kita 2012” I think I did. It has been an amazing ride, and I am looking forward to a more wonderful, amazing ride with all of you guys in 2013.

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful new year. As for me, I wish that this year, I will bump into that someone who will understand and accept me for who and what I am (just a wishful thinking) and while waiting for that time, I will just enjoy the moment.

Prosperous New Year to everyone.

Happy Holidays!

39 bottles and 1,170 pills since I started taking ARV’s, I come to celebrate my second Christmas as a poz.

These are my other other Christmas tree at home (good thing I am alone in the house). And these are the only thing that has been loyal to me for more than a year already :-)

To all the people whom I have hurt in one way or the other – please accept my sincerest apologies.

To everyone who has touched my life – THANK YOU.

Here’s a simple wish list to all my poz friends:

1.       High/increase in CD4 count.
2.       Low/Undetectable Viral Load
3.       Good physical health
4.      Clear and open mind to accept the thing that has been going on with our lives and do the right thing about it.
5.       And most importantly, a better and closer relationship with the Lord.

To my non-poz friends and imaginary readers, THANK YOU for the acceptance and understanding. With people like you, this has been an easy battle for us. Let us continue fighting together to end the stigma.

Wishing everyone a meaningful Christmas well spent with your families and loved ones. And as we continue with the festivities, let us not forget  the true meaning of our celebration – Jesus Christ our savior.

Happy Holidays everyone!

World AIDS Day

While everybody else is busy buying and wrapping gifts. Making sure that every one on the list has at least a small package to open on Christmas day. The LGBT community is busy with the activities for today.

Today is World AIDS Day.

Today we stand united, not just in spreading awareness about HIV/AIDS. We stand united in fighting the STIGMA.

Regardless of the group where you belong or the way you want to help, WE ARE ONE in this cause.

We are all in for a "One Big Fight".

This is also the day to salute all my brothers who are living with the virus - let us all give this a good fight. We are warriors. We will show everyone that whatever the world throws at us, we can still do something. We can be someone who can make a difference.

Today, we also remember our brothers who have fought and lost. They are in a better place now. They have given this battle a good fight.  But the Lord needs more warrior up there to guide us in our fight here on Earth. To our brothers who have gone to rest - 'til we meet again.

Today...

DARE to stand and be heard.

CARE to lend a hand and help.

SHARE a hug and LOVE.

 Today is World AIDS Day. A day to DARE. CARE. SHARE.

I am Number Four

It started with 31.

74 after eleven months.

154 after six months.

From initial of 31, CD4 result always ends up with 4. Probably it will be 444 after six months.

Whether it ends in 0 or 9, it doesn't matter. As long as the count and number is increasing - who cares anyway.

Thank you to my Doctor for her kindness. You are one of the reasons why the numbers are increasing.

To my friends, who are always there for me. For always making me smile.

It really has no way but up.

What is your number?

I am number four.

Isang Tula

Sa buhay natin

Dumarating ang panahon ng

Kalungkutan at pangungulila

Ng biniro ako ng tadhana

Sinubok ang aking tatag at paniniwala

Kaibigan ang ibinigay na himala

Pait at hapdi, napalitan ng ngiti

Buhay kong malaon na’y

Muling binigyan ng kulay

Masaya, magulo, nakalilito

Puso’y kumakaba tuwing magkikita

Ganito pala ‘pag umiibig na

Sa mga pagsubok, bumigay ang marupok

Puso’y sinugatan, iniwang luhaan

Diyos ko, ako’y huwag pabayaan

Sa aking kapighatian,

Kaibigan ang naging kanlungan

Pilit hinilom aking pusong sugatan.

Siya’y iyo ng iwan, huwag nang ipaglaban.

Kumapit ng mahigpit, huwag bibitiwan

Nalilito na ang aking isipan

Sa bandang huli, pag-ibig ang nanaig

Usapang taimtim nauwi sa pagniniig

Aking bulaklak wagas ang dilig

Isa, dalawa, tatlo

Dumaang panahon hindi ko na mabilang

‘Pagkat pag-ibig na wagas ay walang hanggan

  

Dalangin ko ngayon  

Poon kami’y gabayan, buhay ay ingatan

Kami’y huwag pabayaan

Irog, tanggapin ang alay ko

Pag-ibig at buong buhay alay sa’yo

Hanggang ako’y tawagin na ni San Pedro

At kapag ang oras ay dumating

Iyong alalahanin, ako’y maghahanda na

Ng napakagandang dambana

Pahirin ang luha, palitan ng tuwa

Ika’y sasalubungin, kokoronahan ng bituin

Tayo’y mga anghel na sa langit na hangarin


*** I wrote this poem last year for my best friend and her partner. They celebrated their 10th year of being together last year and exchanged their vows in Tagaytay, 6 of us witness on that special day...

HERO

Today we celebrate National Heroes Day in the Philippines.

Encarta defined HERO as somebody who commits an act of remarkable bravery or who has shown an admirable quality such as great courage or strength of character. 

Jose Rizal, Apolinario Mabini, Andres Bonifacio, Gabriela Silang, Melchora Aquino. These are the few people in history that showed great amount of courage and bravery in defending our country during the time of war and invasion. Through pens, guns and by helping others.  

Today, OFW’s are considered modern day heroes. Filipinos who has to leave their family here and work abroad to secure a good future for them. 

 

Life is a constant battle. Every day we fight to live. Every day is journey to take.  And I believe that there is a hero in each of us. And I admire all my viral brothers for giving this battle a good fight. I know that since day one that we have learned that we are HIV positive it has made a great change in our lives. 

Hat’s off to all of you who have shown great courage to accept our condition. Disclose to your loved ones. And continue to dream big and make those dreams come true. Acceptance is the key to everything and a very good relationship with GOD. 

To the families and friends who have accepted us, thank you. For being strong for us. You are our heroes.

To the advocates and NGO’s for tirelessly and selflessly helping us.  For all the works you have been doing in reaching out to PLHIV’s, thank you. You are our heroes.

To all people living with HIV, saludo ako sa inyo. Sa atin. Tayo ang mga bayani ng sarili nating buhay. Tuloy ang laban. Tuloy ang buhay. Happy National Heroes Day to all of us.

Mabuhay tayong mga BAYANI ng ating BUHAY.

SET (Band) of Brothers

This has been another productive weekend for me. I felt that I have accomplished a lot of things. 

Good thing I decided to join the Self Empowerment Training (SET) of RITM.  SET is originally for RITM patients only, but they accommodated and allot slot for patients from other hubs (PGH, SLH and others). SET is actually a training/seminar for people living with HIV (PLHIV) especially those newly diagnosed who are having a hard time understanding and accepting their situation.

From the name of the training: Self Empowerment, after two days you are expected to slowly but surely understand and accept your situation. Take the driver’s seat and take control of your life.

Here are the few things that I have learned and enjoyed this weekend:

·         It all starts with acceptance.

·         Each of us has our ways of coping with things.

·         We learn from other people’s story.

·         Positive Self Image

·         I’m ok, you’re ok.

·         You have a lot of potential all you have to do is believe in yourself.

·         You define your own happiness.

·         The virus will not define us, our attitude on accepting and managing it will do.

·         The Power in Me – I have lots of good attitude, traits, qualities and I am proud of it.

·         What I am now is a product of my past. What I will become is a product of what I will do today.

·      We can still do things: Make our dreams come true and achieve our goals. With GOD as our guide.

·         Room 409

·         Ms. Singapore

·         Ms. Japan

·         Ms. Echusera

·         Cherifer for Ms. Japan

·         Solanie Hotel

·         INSPIRED!

The list could go on. But what I really enjoyed most is the experience of getting to know 14 other people of the same status. Sharing, listening and learning from each other. In just two days, I have gained new friends that I know I will keep for life. New friends to draw inspiration from, to go on and give this battle a good fight.

I am happy that through SET, I was also able to share my experiences and some of the things that I have gone through. I hope that in my own little way I was also able to inspire them as much as they inspired me. Now you probably know what our word for the day is, yes, INSPIRED! Because just hearing the stories from these AMAZING guys will inspire you to go on with life, dream big and make it come true.

To my SET Brothers, I am very happy to have met all of you. I learned a lot from you. You inspired me and I hope that I have done the same for you. You made me laugh. I really had a good time. Sorry, I have to leave for my first Big Fish event last Saturday. I know I missed a lot of kulitan. Let’s do it again soon? Just always remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. We are here for each other.