tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31406155894927937222024-03-13T12:55:55.750+08:00angelfallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-85386188739016561882014-11-07T09:38:00.001+08:002014-11-07T09:38:34.973+08:00Happy Birthday SirSir, today the universe gave me a gift of you - 31 days in advance. And I will forever be grateful.<br />
<br />
I love you. With all my heart and with all I have. I love you. With a promise that I will always be here for you, to support you in every decision that you make and to always be your number one fan. I love you. And I am looking forward to our future together - let us grow old together. I love you. And I will never ever get tired of doing so.<br />
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Happy, happy birthday mahal ko. You are my life. My happiness. My joy. My everything.fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-50270330346672197772014-10-29T00:35:00.003+08:002014-10-29T00:35:44.475+08:00Happy 12th<div style="text-align: justify;">
Angel is still alive. After a long hiatus, I finally got to update my blog.</div>
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Exactly a year ago when we decided to bring our friendship to the next level. Though we both know that you will be working out of the country and we will be 4000 miles away and 4 hours apart, we promised to make things work for us.</div>
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I have never been into a long distance relationship. And I must say that I was scared at first. The uncertainties of things. The what ifs and whats not. I have never cried the way I did the night before you left. It's as if everything is being taken away from me. We have been physically together for barely a week and then there you are saying goodbye (for the mean time at least).</div>
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The first two weeks was hell for both of us. Both adjusting to our situation and you adjusting to your new work and new environment. But as time goes by, thru intermittent skype signals we battled it out and emerged victorious. There was a time when we felt like almost giving up. But our love and feelings for each other prevailed.</div>
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It was only last July - and only for a week that you were able to have a very short vacation. Thanks to Eid Holiday we get to spent a night together. That was 3 months ago. And after the stalled plans, the petty quarrels and misunderstandings, here we are celebrating our 12th monthsary.</div>
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Still, we are 4000 miles away and 4 hours apart but I am very happy. Mahal, I can never thank you enough for the love and acceptance. You knew from the start that I am different and you accepted me wholeheartedly. You introduced me to your family. They are my family now and mine is yours.</div>
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A year ago, we were just talking about our dreams - for ourselves and our own families. Now, we are talking about our dreams - for us, for our future. For our good life ahead.</div>
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Mahal na mahal kita my hubby, my soul mate. We will make things work for us. We will continue to keep the love burning. We will continue to make the magic working. </div>
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I love you so much Sir. Happy 12th.</div>
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Live. Laugh. Love. This is life.</div>
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fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-69386527389920537252013-10-30T10:13:00.000+08:002013-10-30T10:38:44.116+08:00Taking ChancesI don't believe in three months rule. I don't believe in the one that got away. I believe in destiny.<br />
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Two months ago "love" and I broke up. When trust and honesty is compromised, you just have to let go.<br />
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And little did I know that cupid has another plan for me. He introduced me to a very nice and wonderful guy.<br />
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"Sir" as i fondly call him, and he refers to me as "Boss". I knew from the instant that I met him online that he is a nice guy. But we have been talking on and off thru viber. He would call me and we will be talking endlessly - about our life and dreams.<br />
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"Sir" is non-showbiz, that's how me and my friends refer a non-reactive guy. I started to like "Sir" - his sincerity, his kindness, and most of all, he knows what he wants in life and he knows what to do to get to where he wants to be. And so the big dilemma arises - to disclose or not.<br />
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We had dinner last night (October 29) and this is the first time that we will be meeting. I felt comfortable with him and I can say that he is too. And I knew that I have to make that one big decision - disclosure. And so I did. I told "Sir" everything. I laid my cards on the table, everything that he needs to know about me and my status. It wasn't easy. There is always that part of you that hesitates but you just have to be honest to someone that you like and to someone whom you want to share your life with.<br />
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And so I took the chance. I took that one big leap (not just a baby step). And he whole-heartedly accepted me, for who I am, for what I am and for what I am not. Every flaws and imperfection.<br />
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In life, we were given a lot of chances. The question is, are you willing to take it and how much risk can you take?<br />
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I took my chance. I am taking the risk. I know that it will not be easy, and I am willing to learn. Life is not about always being on the safe side. It is about taking a gamble. It is not about winning or loosing, it is who you are playing it with. And what's important is you are playing and getting along each other perfectly fine. It's standing beside that one person and both of you are looking at the same direction, looking forward on that journey. A long and bumpy one - and for as long as you are together, everything will be ok.<br />
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"Sir" will be leaving soon to pursue his dreams in a foreign land. It is part of the package. And I am willing to take it. That's another risk. And this is the first time I will be doing a long distance relationship. We will make it work. We will take this journey together.<br />
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This is another chance - on life and on love. And I gladly took the chance. Like what I have said in twitter before, say JUMP and I'll ask "How high?"<br />
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My dear brothers and imaginary readers, don't be afraid to take chances, don't be afraid to take risks, don't be afraid to get hurt. Learning and loving is not about being on the safe side. We grow by taking chances and learning from the experience.<br />
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Live. Laugh. Love. This is life.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-59984163816258311662013-05-21T23:44:00.000+08:002013-05-25T08:55:16.705+08:00Hurray for 2day!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjO4U3ruJf0pzhrRe-S6OhyphenhyphenGzmiez7VvQTsEhRhqtNxNLdccoOJGVcD_4EAYFLW8Fc3-F2LhHFtyr2D2XEuR3jghp2KEvAvhpCXqUIoZuPWdRwAd6KN2TZUJ2N6HCUgax8KHISxDs4kI/s1600/pinnumber2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjO4U3ruJf0pzhrRe-S6OhyphenhyphenGzmiez7VvQTsEhRhqtNxNLdccoOJGVcD_4EAYFLW8Fc3-F2LhHFtyr2D2XEuR3jghp2KEvAvhpCXqUIoZuPWdRwAd6KN2TZUJ2N6HCUgax8KHISxDs4kI/s1600/pinnumber2.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: justify;">(Spare me, thoughts are
incoherent probably due to Efav…)</span></div>
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<span id="goog_146182600"></span><span id="goog_146182601"></span>May 21, 2013 exactly two years
ago when I learned about my HIV status.
Today I celebrate my second “rebirth”-day. I vaguely remember how scared I was when I
learned about being HIV positive. All I can think of at that time was
death. Two years after, I proved myself
wrong. Here I am, very much alive and kicking and in the pink of health.</div>
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Life has never been better. Left
foot is now completely healed after the operation last June 2012. In a month’s time, I will be done with the TB
meds. That would mean lesser pill to
take. A couple of months ago, I was able
to disclose my status to my closest cousin.
Everything is falling into the right place. </div>
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<br /></div>
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It is not just my second rebirth,
tomorrow Love and I will be celebrating our 3<sup>rd</sup> month of being
together. And we are both looking forward to many more months and years of
understanding, caring and loving each other. </div>
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<br /></div>
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But how do we really measure our
life, regardless of our HIV status. I guess, nothing is more fitting than these
lines from the theme song of one of my favorite movies:</div>
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<i>How do we measure a
year in a life?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>In daylights, in
sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>In inches, in
miles, in laughter, in strife.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>Five Hundred Twenty
Five Thousand journeys to plan. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>How do you measure
the life of a woman or man?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>In truths that she
learned,<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Or in times that he
cried.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>In bridges he
burned, or the way that she died.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Love is a gift from
up above.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Share love, give
love, spread love.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Measure your life
in love.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Regardless of our HIV status, positive or negative. Regardless if it is our rebirth or not, what’s
important is how we treat others and how we live our lives. I remembered saying this to a college friend:
<i>“I am not perfect, marami din sumama ang
loob sa akin at nakatampuhan ko. Pero alam ko na mas marami ang iiyak pag
nawala ako.” </i> We will only pass this
earth once, whatever good we can do, we must do. However small our act is, we
must try. At the end of the day, at the
end of it all, we will be judged not by what we have but what we have done and
what we have become. Let us strive to do
more and give more. </div>
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There’s only one gift that I would ask from our Creator
now, to give me more healthy and fruitful years for me to be able to help and
inspire others and to serve Him. </div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-52825180201633977532013-05-01T09:35:00.002+08:002013-05-01T09:35:59.621+08:00Love Actually<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwSRUDgX-LX42crydg_iu74ac0BIOSLXRsFgDAknYJjUCWjPRtUzoV_jecvHXgBbVuOiZpkDHuhlpTD6mVyp-4_x-0NXKlXDP2WKu19Xxzmq9cM4Lmzx6C41YMaFL9Rb5y3L_bPxIBqs4/s1600/dating_gamblex400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwSRUDgX-LX42crydg_iu74ac0BIOSLXRsFgDAknYJjUCWjPRtUzoV_jecvHXgBbVuOiZpkDHuhlpTD6mVyp-4_x-0NXKlXDP2WKu19Xxzmq9cM4Lmzx6C41YMaFL9Rb5y3L_bPxIBqs4/s320/dating_gamblex400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(Warning: Another long, boring read. Not for the weak of the heart.)</span></div>
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When people ask me why am I still single (may itsura naman daw ako at mabait – ehem. Hahaha!) I would always smile and say, “Wala na akong puso, nalaglag kinain ng aso.” Until one day during the love month I started tweeting and posting sweet nothings. People started asking if I have a partner already. This time I would give them a big smile and say, “May nakakita na ng asong kumain ng puso ko, naibalik na.” Yes, dear friends and imaginary readers, Angel is officially taken and we have recently celebrated our second month together.</div>
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Here’s what happened how this Angel has found his new love:</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>One boring Saturday night during the love month, we met on Grindr (Yes, I have account in Grindr but we both deleted our account without even asking each other to).</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It only took 5 days before we decided to be an “official’ couple. </div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Since we met on a Sunday, until the wee hours of Friday, we start and end our day by hearing each other’s voice.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>He gave me a surprise visit which led me to telling him all about myself and my HIV status.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Exact words: “Before we take our friendship any farther, I want to tell you something. And I want the basis of our friendship to be honesty and understanding. I don’t know how to start but I know that I have to tell you this to be fair with you.”</div>
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“In our lifetime, we commit mistakes that cannot be reversed. Sometimes it leaves a mark to constantly remind us of our wrong doing. Hindi ako perfect, I have something in me that you may or may not accept . I want you to know that I am HIV positive. I was diagnosed May 21, 2011 and has been on medication since July 30, 2011.”</div>
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And that moment of silence. He just held my hands and looked straight into my eyes.</div>
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“So what are you thinking? I want to know how you honestly feel about what I just told you.”</div>
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He held my hands tighter, looked into my eyes and said, “It’s ok. I like you and I don’t care about what you have in you. I know that I love you the moment I saw you.”</div>
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Tears started to fill my eyes. He just wiped it. </div>
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“Ready ka na magkaroon ng pusit na partner?” He replied, “Hindi ka pusit, you are my love.”</div>
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And on Februaary 22, Angel is now officially partnered with a very sweet and understanding guy.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We see each other only on weekends.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We talk every day. I start the day by waking him up to prepare for work and he would end the day by calling me when we were both in bed already.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>He has met my family – parents, sister and my cousin. </div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I started to go to Alabang, usually on Friday to visit him. Especially if he can’t come home on a Friday because of work.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We both love to eat and have Milk Tea after.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We fondly call each other, Love.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>He’s non-poz.</div>
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•<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Yes, I am in a magnetic (positive-negative) relationship. Or some would say, Sero-discordant relationship.</div>
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The list could go on. What I am really trying to say is that, it is possible for an HIV positive guy to love and be loved. A lot of people now are more understanding of our situation. When asked when is the right time to disclose about your status, you still have to weigh things and get to know your potential partner more. You’ll know when you are ready to tell and when he is ready to listen.</div>
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Remember that the key to any relationship is Honesty and Respect. You have to be Honest from the get go and Respect each other. If things will be on your favor then it would be nice. But if the potential partner is not ok and not yet ready to have an HIV positive partner, don’t be sad. Respect his decision. Don’t feel ill about him, maybe he is not just ready. And besides we all have our preferences. Do not pity yourself as well, in God’s perfect time the one meant for you will come. Meantime, you just have to enjoy and be at ease with yourself first.</div>
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Before going into any relationship, you have to ask yourself a lot of times if this is what you really want and if you really need one. This is the common mistake not just for PLHIV but people in general. We exert effort to find our “one true love”, when we don’t actually need. We often mistake our longing for companion to longing for love. Remember, we were never love less. We maybe loverless but never loveless.</div>
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Being in a relationship or having a partner is not always the solution to the loneliness and depression. Sometimes we have to find a friend and who knows, the friendship will bloom into a more beautiful relationship. Any good and lasting relationship starts with a good friendship.</div>
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I have waited for 9 loooong years. Yes, my last relationship was in 2004. I have dated a few guys once in a while but in went nowhere. I never lost hope and I never searched for one. And it came, unexpectedly. Just when I thought na tatanda akong dalaga (hahaha!) dumating si Love. </div>
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I hope that my fellow poz, twitter friends and imaginary readers will never lose hope on love. And while waiting for the right one, enjoy time with yourself, your family and friends. </div>
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Angel has found Love, actually. </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(Love is in the medical profession. Probably the reason why he understood my condition and has fully accepted me.)</span></div>
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<br />fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-2209666736848399122013-05-01T00:03:00.003+08:002013-05-01T00:27:31.623+08:00A Quarter in the Year of the Snake<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOkZhSONB6FXwi9-bWAdlgW9gFZ7A3dAgyiAuD_WMc1S_flvci7iM98s6wAgfh9runHoezQ-totdzIC021vTY3mHDAesoS6mGl1kjiedrFsD_TP8hLOkZJcMY7Pa9vVx8EIJX03R8j8zk/s1600/MaleAngel03-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOkZhSONB6FXwi9-bWAdlgW9gFZ7A3dAgyiAuD_WMc1S_flvci7iM98s6wAgfh9runHoezQ-totdzIC021vTY3mHDAesoS6mGl1kjiedrFsD_TP8hLOkZJcMY7Pa9vVx8EIJX03R8j8zk/s320/MaleAngel03-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: justify;">(Warning a long read.
You might get bored along the way.)</span><br />
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How are you my imaginary readers? It’s been a while, I know I promised to write
as much as I can but unfortunately, my new schedule at work eats up most of my
time. To those who know me personally,
it’s no secret that I have transferred
and moved to a new unit/department in the company which requires me to move
around the area. Anyhow, after a long
time of being quiet and a month long hiatus in twitter, I am glad to say that I am back. </div>
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A lot of things have happened during the first quarter of the
year. I remembered saying that 2013 is
my year. I claimed it and I think and I
must say that so far, the odds are on my favor.</div>
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<b><i>January – Natal Month:</i></b></div>
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A few days after we welcomed the New Year I turned 33.
Before 2012 bid farewell, I said to myself that 33 on 2013 is my lucky year.
And so I claimed it. I must say that I am in the pink of health and have never
been to ER or visited my Doctor for any untoward incident other than my regular
check up.</div>
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I have a post celebration of my birthday in Cebu and Bohol
with my travel buddies – my Aunts. Being
away in the city for 4 days has helped me soul searched a bit and relaxed from
the “hurly burly of the city life”. I remembered the first time I went to the
Queen City of the South in 2007, I didn’t know my status yet. And I must say, it doesn’t make any difference
now. Except for the constant reminder of my phone to take my meds at 9am and
9pm. </div>
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While in Panglao, Bohol my aunt reminded me to secure my
papers and work on my US Visa so we can plan our vacation. I was in awe, and
didn’t know how to respond. Part of me
feels excited and a part of me feels sad because I am really half hearted about
going to the Big Apple. We have been
talking about this US trip since our Beijing trip last year. And up to now, I
have not worked on any single document that I need for the visa. Oh well, the
big “American” vacation can wait. </div>
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<br /></div>
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On my birth month, I decided to be active in one of the
advocacy groups that I am part of. I attended events and have met new
friends. It is also during one of the
assemblies that I met someone who deeply expressed his feelings and showed
affection for me. Flowers, chocolates,
cards, letters, regular visits. What
else can I ask for, all the while I thought that he is the one for me. But unfortunately,
<i>hindi pwedeng kilig at bait lang</i>. You have to feel something special about the
other person and you have to feel the “spark”.
Which unfortunately, I don’t have for the guy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><o:p> </o:p><b>February – Love Month</b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
After countless years of celebrating Valentine’s Day alone,
I get to spend it with someone this year. Mr. Sweet Suitor paid me a visit and prepared
dinner for me. And not to mention the
flowers and the chocolate that he gave me.
He even made a video of me with one of my favorite songs as the
background. I am really speechless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
But, like what I’ve said earlier, hindi pwedeng puro bait at
kilig lang. You have to feel something special for the other person. Yes he
makes me smile, but I don’t think that it is enough for me to take our
friendship to the next level.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A few days after telling Mr. Sweet Suitor that we’re better
off as friends I accidentally met someone who has completely swept me off my
feet and took my breath away ( I will be posting a different entry for this
one). And as of this writing, Angel and
his hubby just celebrated their 2<sup>nd</sup> month together as a couple and we
are working very hard to make it work and to make the relationship strong and
to make it last . </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
After 9 loooong years of waiting and being single, <b>I am
proud to say that ANGEL is now officially partnered and very much happy with
his hubby which he fondly calls, LOVE.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i>March – Dare. Care. Share.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
As you all know, I am part of the advocacy group Love
Yourself. On this month, TLY conducted mass testing for MSM (Men who have Sex
with Men) in Victoria Court in Malate.
This is the first time that I have joined TLY’s major event and to top it all, I was
considered to head one of the committees for the said event.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Tiring and very fulfilling. I may not have done much of
counseling or educating but I am happy that in my own little way, I was able to
help the community through Love Yourself.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Dare. Care. Share. Love Yourself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
So far, the first quarter of 2013 has been good to me. I was able to disclose to my closest cousin and she has fully accepted me without judgement and without question. And I
am hoping and fervently praying that the good and wonderful blessings will
continue throughout the year. For now, I
could not ask for more other than good health for me and my family and a
significant increase in CD4 come May 7.</div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-12422853128351417212012-12-31T14:18:00.000+08:002012-12-31T14:31:33.635+08:00Chapter 2012<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyU1kPC1gy_DkEMuuW6L82Q1EeE5lxouPFlUkt1mUYysUkIp5Zc6VWq803JaN6LOKnpWnDsRec17aUGv5074L5XFyWDhvGy0sjanTV9nre2YM13pVWYo03tkqJ-01x41B1CUHpSLe90UU/s1600/2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyU1kPC1gy_DkEMuuW6L82Q1EeE5lxouPFlUkt1mUYysUkIp5Zc6VWq803JaN6LOKnpWnDsRec17aUGv5074L5XFyWDhvGy0sjanTV9nre2YM13pVWYo03tkqJ-01x41B1CUHpSLe90UU/s320/2013.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Doing a quick mental review of
the things that has happened to me this year. There were a lot of things to be
thankful for and there were some that I wish didn’t happen. Whatever it is, it
made me a better person. And it brought me to where I am today.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To the people I have met and to
the new friends I have made, thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You made this 2012 a wonderful year for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To<b> Loveyourself (Vinn Advocacy) and @philtanpoco</b>,
thank you for giving the chance to help other people – especially fellow
pozzies in this battle called HIV. I am looking forward to a more meaningful
year with the group. Dare. Care. Share.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To my twitter friends – thank you.
Our monthly get together is something that I look forward to all the time. I
hope that you will still continue to reply to my invites. Ours is a very good
support group. And I am happy that we never fail to help each other. Even the
smallest gesture is highly appreciated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To all the people I have hurt in
one way or the other, please accept my sincerest apologies. It was never my
intention to hurt you. We can always start a new and be friends.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To my bff’s <b>@positHIVe</b> and
<b>@tcghiv</b> – it was an amazing year. I am looking forward to another amazing ride
with you as we unfold the Chapter that is 2013. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
This year, I have visited the
hospital more than I think I can imagine. I was rushed to the ER more than 10
times. Had an operation on my left foot – twice. And you are always there, you
never left my side until you knew that I am ok. Papa and Mama – thank you and I
love you. You may be clueless on the things I have gone through, going through
and will go through but you never asked me. You just keep on showing your love
for me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Ate – for understanding and caring.
For not judging me. For simply accepting me. I know there are still questions
in your mind but you never asked me why and just let things be. Thank you and I
love you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
It has been an interesting and
wonderful ride. There were a lot of unexpected twists and turns but I managed.
As what I keep on telling my fellow pozzies, let us enjoy the ride, cherish the
moment and experience as we learn new things and treasure the lessons that we
learn and we will learn along the way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
On my entry last year, I said “Iba
ka 2011, iibahin kita 2012” I think I did. It has been an amazing ride, and I
am looking forward to a more wonderful, amazing ride with all of you guys in
2013.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful
new year. As for me, I wish that this year, I will bump into that someone who
will understand and accept me for who and what I am (just a wishful thinking)
and while waiting for that time, I will just enjoy the moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Prosperous New Year to everyone.</div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-14487800551837247432012-12-24T13:16:00.001+08:002012-12-24T13:16:26.604+08:00Happy Holidays!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
39 bottles and 1,170 pills since I started taking ARV’s, I
come to celebrate my second Christmas as a poz.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are my other other Christmas tree at home (good thing
I am alone in the house). And these are the only thing that has been loyal to me for more than a year already :-)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To all the people whom I have hurt in one way or the other –
please accept my sincerest apologies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To everyone who has touched my life – THANK YOU.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s a simple wish list to all my poz friends:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>High/increase in CD4 count.<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Low/Undetectable Viral Load<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Good physical health<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Clear and open mind to accept the thing that has
been going on with our lives and do the right thing about it.<br /><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>And most importantly, a better and closer
relationship with the Lord.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
To my non-poz friends and imaginary readers, THANK YOU for
the acceptance and understanding. With people like you, this has been an easy
battle for us. Let us continue fighting together to end the stigma.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Wishing everyone a meaningful Christmas well spent with your
families and loved ones. And as we continue with the festivities, let us not
forget<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the true meaning of our
celebration – Jesus Christ our savior.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Happy Holidays everyone!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-15953600399815352542012-12-01T08:12:00.001+08:002012-12-01T08:12:40.297+08:00World AIDS Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGkJw8ueb82eakBwsxpkL_2dSnM7EUjVVqgxrkzIgJ6SPAGSK_sZ4XUND15w7evMV34q_BN7chbk4hMdW_suQXuX8rt_OvgS4cGeLr3gfGRai0Rhp5D_6ze32DpGw_58imLwee4SPWi_0/s1600/isupport.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGkJw8ueb82eakBwsxpkL_2dSnM7EUjVVqgxrkzIgJ6SPAGSK_sZ4XUND15w7evMV34q_BN7chbk4hMdW_suQXuX8rt_OvgS4cGeLr3gfGRai0Rhp5D_6ze32DpGw_58imLwee4SPWi_0/s320/isupport.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
While everybody else is busy buying and wrapping gifts. Making sure that every one on the list has at least a small package to open on Christmas day. The LGBT community is busy with the activities for today.<br />
<br />
Today is World AIDS Day.<br />
<br />
Today we stand united, not just in spreading awareness about HIV/AIDS. We stand united in fighting the STIGMA.<br />
<br />
Regardless of the group where you belong or the way you want to help, <b>WE ARE ONE</b> in this cause.<br />
<br />
We are all in for a <b>"One Big Fight".</b><br />
<br />
This is also the day to salute all my brothers who are living with the virus - let us all give this a good fight. We are warriors. We will show everyone that whatever the world throws at us, we can still do something. We can be someone who can make a difference.<br />
<br />
Today, we also remember our brothers who have fought and lost. They are in a better place now. They have given this battle a good fight. But the Lord needs more warrior up there to guide us in our fight here on Earth. To our brothers who have gone to rest - 'til we meet again.<br />
<br />
Today...<br />
<br />
<b>DARE</b> to stand and be heard.<br />
<br />
<b>CARE</b> to lend a hand and help.<br />
<br />
<b>SHARE</b> a hug and LOVE.<br />
<br />
Today is World AIDS Day. A day to <b>DARE. CARE. SHARE. </b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-1054809957184669252012-11-25T21:37:00.000+08:002012-11-25T21:37:34.378+08:00I am Number Four<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA0UQet6r053H_QYWZjd6cQkEfsGJJlPNxeqG53epVZrTFOIb3SCkPm5wJNDL37ZsQ_hnyYiE3zKK1iH2wMNrsnLL5SPFtKF_PseRCXMOy5CcYeiKbG6MWhM5c6gTSyF7XmJIogUQDfGQ/s1600/number4.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA0UQet6r053H_QYWZjd6cQkEfsGJJlPNxeqG53epVZrTFOIb3SCkPm5wJNDL37ZsQ_hnyYiE3zKK1iH2wMNrsnLL5SPFtKF_PseRCXMOy5CcYeiKbG6MWhM5c6gTSyF7XmJIogUQDfGQ/s400/number4.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It started with 31.<br />
<br />
74 after eleven months.<br />
<br />
154 after six months.<br />
<br />
From initial of 31, CD4 result always ends up with 4. Probably it will be 444 after six months.<br />
<br />
Whether it ends in 0 or 9, it doesn't matter. As long as the count and number is increasing - who cares anyway.<br />
<br />
Thank you to my Doctor for her kindness. You are one of the reasons why the numbers are increasing.<br />
<br />
To my friends, who are always there for me. For always making me smile.<br />
<br />
It really has no way but up.<br />
<br />
What is your number?<br />
<br />
I am number four.fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-78565417458585289042012-09-23T20:34:00.000+08:002012-09-23T20:34:17.895+08:00Isang Tula<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDe0rfz4G-XSjUpxQBN0GrDfgzTeYSTDaj1ctl6U9R_1gJX64LeV73VBoOZu_1zi1GABq2lAyeMOPpcKcT5v1_6qB1ZphSit4TGDALchKDa_E8CD0IANqG8c7DkIFDZnLSbgH2MReuWw0/s1600/holding_hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDe0rfz4G-XSjUpxQBN0GrDfgzTeYSTDaj1ctl6U9R_1gJX64LeV73VBoOZu_1zi1GABq2lAyeMOPpcKcT5v1_6qB1ZphSit4TGDALchKDa_E8CD0IANqG8c7DkIFDZnLSbgH2MReuWw0/s320/holding_hands.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><br /></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Sa
buhay natin</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Dumarating
ang panahon ng</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Kalungkutan
at pangungulila</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><br /></span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Ng
biniro ako ng tadhana</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Sinubok
ang aking tatag at paniniwala</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Kaibigan
ang ibinigay na himala</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Pait
at hapdi, napalitan ng ngiti</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Buhay
kong malaon na’y</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Muling
binigyan ng kulay</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Masaya,
magulo, nakalilito</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Puso’y
kumakaba tuwing magkikita</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Ganito
pala ‘pag umiibig na</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Sa mga
pagsubok, bumigay ang marupok</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Puso’y
sinugatan, iniwang luhaan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Diyos
ko, ako’y huwag pabayaan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Sa
aking kapighatian,</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Kaibigan
ang naging kanlungan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Pilit
hinilom aking pusong sugatan.</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Siya’y
iyo ng iwan, huwag nang ipaglaban.</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Kumapit
ng mahigpit, huwag bibitiwan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Nalilito
na ang aking isipan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Sa
bandang huli, pag-ibig ang nanaig</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Usapang
taimtim nauwi sa pagniniig</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Aking
bulaklak wagas ang dilig</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Isa,
dalawa, tatlo</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Dumaang
panahon hindi ko na mabilang</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>‘Pagkat
pag-ibig na wagas ay walang hanggan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dalangin ko ngayon</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Poon
kami’y gabayan, buhay ay ingatan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Kami’y
huwag pabayaan</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Irog,
tanggapin ang alay ko</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Pag-ibig
at buong buhay alay sa’yo</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Hanggang
ako’y tawagin na ni San Pedro</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>At
kapag ang oras ay dumating</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Iyong
alalahanin, ako’y maghahanda na</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Ng
napakagandang dambana</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Pahirin
ang luha, palitan ng tuwa</span></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Ika’y
sasalubungin, kokoronahan ng bituin</span></span></span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Tayo’y mga anghel na sa langit na hangarin</span></span></span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span>*** I wrote this poem last year for my best friend and her partner. They
celebrated their 10th year of being together last year and exchanged
their vows in Tagaytay, 6 of us witness on that special day...</span></b></span></span><br />
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-28248662271041076502012-08-27T10:43:00.000+08:002012-08-27T10:43:24.428+08:00HERO<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Today we celebrate National
Heroes Day in the Philippines.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Encarta defined HERO as somebody
who commits an act of remarkable bravery or who has shown an admirable quality
such as great courage or strength of character. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Jose Rizal, Apolinario Mabini,
Andres Bonifacio, Gabriela Silang, Melchora Aquino. These are the few people in
history that showed great amount of courage and bravery in defending our
country during the time of war and invasion. Through pens, guns and by helping
others. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Today, OFW’s are considered
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to secure a good future for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Life is a constant battle. Every
day we fight to live. Every day is journey to take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I believe that there is a hero in each of
us. And I admire all my viral brothers for giving this battle a good fight. I
know that since day one that we have learned that we are HIV positive it has
made a great change in our lives. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Hat’s off to all of you who have
shown great courage to accept our condition. Disclose to your loved ones. And
continue to dream big and make those dreams come true. Acceptance is the key to
everything and a very good relationship with GOD. </div>
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<br /></div>
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To the families and friends who
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<br /></div>
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To the advocates and NGO’s for
tirelessly and selflessly helping us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For all the works you have been doing in reaching out to PLHIV’s, thank
you. You are our heroes.</div>
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<br /></div>
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To all people living with HIV,
saludo ako sa inyo. Sa atin. Tayo ang mga bayani ng sarili nating buhay. Tuloy
ang laban. Tuloy ang buhay. Happy National Heroes Day to all of us.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Mabuhay tayong mga BAYANI ng ating
BUHAY.</b></div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-88158456938055545672012-08-27T01:11:00.000+08:002012-08-27T09:15:09.602+08:00SET (Band) of Brothers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7QGtw2MQ3oXJiFDzcErl3luY2N-AuVVfelgHFOeMuMO1oKSJ_baJMPAMWCpPSmUN13sHnRIj8rCT4TUeyzDPat0tT7HgtcQJupTj21TPJy0OMhZmQSb_bHTI-CfS9_D5UH4TQ3BuDtNs/s1600/Diversity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7QGtw2MQ3oXJiFDzcErl3luY2N-AuVVfelgHFOeMuMO1oKSJ_baJMPAMWCpPSmUN13sHnRIj8rCT4TUeyzDPat0tT7HgtcQJupTj21TPJy0OMhZmQSb_bHTI-CfS9_D5UH4TQ3BuDtNs/s320/Diversity.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
This has been another productive
weekend for me. I felt that I have accomplished a lot of things. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
Good thing I decided to join
the Self Empowerment Training (SET) of RITM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>SET is originally for RITM patients only, but they accommodated and allot
slot for patients from other hubs (PGH, SLH and others). SET is actually a
training/seminar for people living with HIV (PLHIV) especially those newly
diagnosed who are having a hard time understanding and accepting their
situation. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
From the name of the training: Self Empowerment, after two days you are expected to slowly but surely
understand and accept your situation. Take the driver’s seat and take control
of your life. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
Here are the few things that I
have learned and enjoyed this weekend:</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>It all starts with acceptance.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Each of us has our ways of coping with things. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>We learn from other people’s story.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Positive Self Image</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>I’m ok, you’re ok.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>You have a lot of potential all you have to do
is believe in yourself.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>You define your own happiness. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>The virus will not define us, our attitude on
accepting and managing it will do.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>The Power in Me – I have lots of good attitude,
traits, qualities and I am proud of it.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>What I am now is a product of my past. What I
will become is a product of what I will do today.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>We can still do things: Make our dreams come
true and achieve our goals. With GOD as our guide. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Room 409</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Ms. Singapore</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Ms. Japan</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Ms. Echusera</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Cherifer for Ms. Japan</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Solanie Hotel</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>INSPIRED!</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
The list could go on. But what
I really enjoyed most is the experience of getting to know 14 other people of
the same status. Sharing, listening and learning from each other. In just two
days, I have gained new friends that I know I will keep for life. New friends to
draw inspiration from, to go on and give this battle a good fight.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
I am happy that through SET, I
was also able to share my experiences and some of the things that I have gone
through. I hope that in my own little way I was also able to inspire them as
much as they inspired me. Now you probably know what our word for the day is,
yes, INSPIRED! Because just hearing the stories from these AMAZING guys will
inspire you to go on with life, dream big and make it come true.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
To my SET Brothers, I am very
happy to have met all of you. I learned a lot from you. You inspired me and I
hope that I have done the same for you. You made me laugh. I really had a good
time. Sorry, I have to leave for my first Big Fish event last Saturday. I know
I missed a lot of kulitan. Let’s do it again soon? Just always remember, you
don’t have to go through this alone. We are here for each other.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-57586335298087414552012-08-19T21:45:00.000+08:002012-08-19T21:45:34.555+08:00Two SongsThese are for those who gave this battle a good fight. I salute and admire you for being a warrior. <br />
<br />
You're an angel now, and while we are still here battling it out, protect us with your wings and watch over us.<br />
<br />
The good Lord has other plan. He has called you to come home and suffer no more.<br />
<br />
You will never be forgotten...Goodnight, rest now brother...<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-5465362596631780822012-08-07T09:19:00.000+08:002012-08-07T09:19:56.995+08:00The Road Less Travelled (or so I thought)<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's been more than a year since I got
sero-converted. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As discussed from my previous entry, it was an
unexpected journey. The test was part of the annual physical exam. Voluntary.
It just took a little convincing from a very good friend and an officemate to
take it. And the rest as they say is history.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And so the journey to the road less traveled
began. It did not disappoint, the road is narrow, cobbled and dusty. The first
few steps felt like forever. It makes you feel like stopping and giving up
forever and be stuck in that dark lonely alley. But there's a force within and
a voice telling you to keep going and never give up. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have been walking on that road for more than a
year now. I feel like I have been walking forever, sometimes I get tired. Especially
when the road gets bumpy. It is still dusty and cobbled but eventually it gets
wider. Along the road you will meet other travelers. They'll walk with you and
make friends with you. They will share their stories and it's ok to share
yours. For all you know, theirs is much worse than yours. And you draw
inspiration from them. You help each other to reach your destination. Suddenly
you realize the journey becomes pleasurable. You no longer notice the dust and
the roughness of the road. You feel as if you are walking on a carpeted
hallway. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You also realize that you are not alone. There
are a lot of wonderful people who will help you out. Walking side by side with
you. Those who have walked and travelled this way before will help you out, leaving
signs and marks to make it easier for you and for those who will soon start
their journey after you. Yes, the road is bumpy, there will be a lot of twists
and turns but you’ll get by. As the song goes, you’ll get by with a little help
from your friends. In my case, I have met a lot of wonderful people from
twitter. It started with a small group, and the numbers grew each day. Amazing
people. Wonderful people. People whom you can draw strength when you feel
weary. People who make you smile. People who make you realize that you can
still make a difference despite of the virus. People who help you move on. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This made me think, this road has been travelled
to a lot of times already. A lot of people have been here. A lot has set foot
on this road. This road less travelled is actually just a road less talked
about. And I see no reason why we should be mum about it. Share your journey.
Share your experience. Speak and be heard. Listen and learn. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am glad that I was able to experience this.
This is one hell of a journey, and I will enjoy it while it last.</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-69630306616527530852012-05-22T21:00:00.001+08:002012-05-24T19:33:56.080+08:00Haberdey, Salamat Bro!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzAECEgIicLWZrCd3WOfrHD4m1tNZtaP_eqDSDjkX5AghADAsj-pVFC95FHXpZL4SlCd-bkIy5utJ2GKTttuqUowVJGq3uhSxnWEUclno5D4ERlE1EbkdqxdjxWVCHpBbvLSckjeq3hMo/s1600/First-1st-Birthday-candle-lit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzAECEgIicLWZrCd3WOfrHD4m1tNZtaP_eqDSDjkX5AghADAsj-pVFC95FHXpZL4SlCd-bkIy5utJ2GKTttuqUowVJGq3uhSxnWEUclno5D4ERlE1EbkdqxdjxWVCHpBbvLSckjeq3hMo/s320/First-1st-Birthday-candle-lit.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Yesterday marked my first year as
a poz. And a few days from now will mark my 10<sup>th</sup> month on ARV’s. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
And this is what I wrote exactly
a year ago:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">May 22, 2011</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dead man walking…That’s what I felt when I found out yesterday (May 21,
2011) that I have it.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Unang pumasok sa isip ko, paano na sila Mama at Papa. Sino mag-aalaga
sa kanila? Paano na ang mga pamangkin ko? Is it safe to hug and kiss them? Paano
na ako?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I can’t recall when or how I got it…Ang iniisip ko ngayon, paano na ako?
I know that right now, there’s no cure
to it…Natatakot ako…Nalilito kung ano ang dapat ko gawin…I need someone to
share this with, hindi ko kaya…Baka bumigay ako…First person on top of my mind
is my best friend…I know that she will listen, I know that there will be a lot
of question, but I know she will understand…I am praying that she will not leave
me…Kung mawawala siya at hindi ako maiintindihan hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I will see her this week and tell her about it…Ayoko balewalain ito,
this is something serious and this is something that I have to face, in one way
or the other…Lutang ako, kahapon pa…Hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin
everyday na ganito ang nararamdaman ko.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sorry Lord, please forgive me for being careless and not taking caring
of my body, the temple of my soul…Dinadasal ko po sa inyo na tulungan niyo ako
sa pagsubok na ito…Kayo lamang ang paghuhugutan ko ng lakas para harapin
ito…Lord, I lift up everything to you…I’m sorry. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
After a year, ano ang nagbago? Ano
na ako ngayon? Nasaan na ako?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I would like to think that I have
become a better person. Better in the sense that I am still here and giving HIV
a good fight. Yes, I still think about
my parents, but I worry more about providing for them and making life easier
for them. My way of thanking them for raising me up. My nieces, I spend a lot
of time with them and play with them often. We hug and kiss a lot.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Me and my bff’s still manage to
spend time together despite our busy schedule. Oftentimes we would check in one
of the hotels in Makati or Ortigas to catch up with our lives. And they even
love me more. Happy is an understatement.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Just when I thought that being
reactive will restrict me from travelling, MALI. I went out of town more than a
couple of times for the last year and out of the country twice since I was
diagnosed. And now, me and my family is working out for another vacation. Who
knows, I might visit Uncle Sam next year (fingers crossed).<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Since last year, I have met a lot
of wonderful people. Poz, non-poz. Some of them have left and moved on with
their lives and most of them stayed. And those who stayed became a new bff. In
one way or another, I know that we have both touch each other’s lives. Last year I also had my first ever pictorial
for The Love Yourself Project. Feeling sikat lang. Haha!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Pero sa lahat ng ito…kasama ko si
Bro. I don’t think that I will have enough strength and courage to face all of
these without HIM by my side or perhaps behind me. Because each time I feel
like giving up, HE would always tap my shoulder and remind me that this is not
the end. Hinahagod ang likod mo at sasabihin, “This is not yet you’re
destination my child. You still have a long way to go.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
For another year, and to a lot
more healthy years to come…Salamat Bro. Maraming Salamat.</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-11090562767394722742012-05-13T13:47:00.000+08:002012-05-13T13:49:07.480+08:00Nanay<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-fHYHq2B-f8KLDILDLNCNvK37dhAp6g4GASqIDkUdAHhEUjWYva-8SnlRs6fa9D-auRuPpalblKKL94ZgS5okMJuphZYkVRRUxoC_Y19ZQwXIeUpqIyLU2UTLBOcTd3ipRLoItur2XFk/s1600/motherandchild2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-fHYHq2B-f8KLDILDLNCNvK37dhAp6g4GASqIDkUdAHhEUjWYva-8SnlRs6fa9D-auRuPpalblKKL94ZgS5okMJuphZYkVRRUxoC_Y19ZQwXIeUpqIyLU2UTLBOcTd3ipRLoItur2XFk/s1600/motherandchild2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sa iyong sinapupunan ako’y iyong
inalagaan. Sa loob ng siyam na buwan hindi mo ako pinabayaan. Sabi mo nga,
hindi kita pinahirapan, hindi tulad ni ate. Ako dalawang araw na lang bago
ipanganak, naglalakad lakad ka pa. Salamat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sa iyong malalakas na bisig ako’y
iyong ipinaghele. Hindi ako iyakin. Kapag ako’y mahimbing na, ibababa mo na ako
sa kama para makagawa ka ng ibang gawain sa bahay. Bagama’t ngayon may kahinaan
na ang iyong braso, at minsa’y inaakay na kita. Dama ko pa din ang lakas na noo’y
palaging bnumubuhat sa akin. Salamat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sa iyong mga bibig, una kong
narinig ang A,E,I,O, U. Sa iyo ako natutong bumasa. Sa iyo ako natuto ng mga
tamang kulay. Sa iyong mga bibig din narinig ko ang mga katagang, <b>“Kaya mo yan”
</b>sa tuwing meron akong mga contest na sinasalihan, interview para sa eskwela at
sa trabaho. <b>“I’m proud of you”</b>, sa mga munting bagay na na-achieve ko. <b>“May
masakit ba sa’yo?”</b> , sa tuwing makikita mo akong matamlay at walang kibo. Maraming
bagay ang narinig ko sa iyong bibig. Karamihan dito ay mga pangaral, na humubog
sa aking pagkatao at nagdala sa akin sa kung nasaan man ako ngayon. Hindi ko
masabing nasa rurok na ako ng tagumpay, malayo pa ang aking lalakbayin at
maraming mga pangaral pa ang kailangan kong marinig sa inyo. Sa lahat ng mga
ito. Salamat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sa iyong mga mata, nalaman ko na
may mga mali akong nagawa. Isang tingin mo lang, alam ko na kailangan ko na
itigil ang kung ano mang ginagawa ko. Sa iyong mga mata din nakita ko ang
kaligayahan sa tuwing may munting regalo akong iniaabot sa inyo. Ang inyong
mata ang tumingin sa akin habang ako’y lumalaki. Bagaman lumalabo na sa pagdaan
ng panahon, nais kong ako’y inyo pa din makita at masaksihan ang mga munting
tagumpay ko sa buhay. Salamat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sa pagpapakilala sa akin sa Diyos
at pagtuturo ng pagdarasal at pagtawag sa Kanya. Sa iyong pag-aalaga tuwing ako’y
may sakit. Sa pakikinig sa mga kwento ko tuwing may maganda at hindi magandang
nangyayari sa akin. Sa pagluluto ng paborito kong pagkain. At sa napakarami
pang dahilan na hindi ko na mabilang. Salamat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Alam ko sa mga oras at panahon na
ito, ako ay nagtataksil sa’yo. Isang lihim ang hindi ko pa nasasabi sa’yo. Hindi
ko masabi ang tunay na kalagayan ng aking kalusugan. Alam kong maiintindihan mo
ko. Alam kong yayakapin mo ako ng mahigpit, alam kong hahawakan mo ang mga
kamay ko at kung maari ay hindi mo na ito bitiwan. Pero ayokong may pumatak na
luha sa mga mata mo. Ayokong bigyan ka
ng iisipin. Ayoko na mag-alala ka. Ang gusto ko lagi kang makitang masaya.
Huwag kang mag-alala, sa tulong ni Ate, ng mga Doktor at ng aking mga kaibigan,
ako’y nananatiling malakas. Wala kang dapat ipangamba.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Nanay, Happy Mother’s Day. Alam
kong hindi sa lahat ng oras ay pinakinggan kita pero hindi mo ako pinabayaan.
Hindi mo ako iniwan. At ngayon nga na nasa hustong gulang na ko, naandyan ka pa
din. Sapagkat alam mong kailangan ko ang
gabay mo.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Sa iyong walang katapusang
pang-unawa at sa walang hanggang pagmamahal….Maraming Salamat.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Happy Mother’s Day Ma, I love
you.</b></div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-46557476543559918732012-04-14T21:59:00.000+08:002012-04-14T21:59:28.864+08:00Soaring Phoenix<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEiPND7eFz05z0FpvZJ-jLC2ZsWXKXldAxyFzNsoRJyc9ukgmqcgxwbeATUcZxLMjli3MDtwWjRZZPIzvF9AgmxlJBAHqhAkiHxWedMvQeJ-07F7cFrNnc8ddqOBSfG03K5pfjcoPq2CE/s1600/phoenix.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEiPND7eFz05z0FpvZJ-jLC2ZsWXKXldAxyFzNsoRJyc9ukgmqcgxwbeATUcZxLMjli3MDtwWjRZZPIzvF9AgmxlJBAHqhAkiHxWedMvQeJ-07F7cFrNnc8ddqOBSfG03K5pfjcoPq2CE/s320/phoenix.jpg" width="234" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Minsan dumarating ang pagkakataon
na tinatamaan ka ng matinding lungkot…’Yung tipong pag-uwi mo, pagod, wala kang
makausap, walang sasalubong sa’yo…You know that you have your family but they
are near yet so far…I don’t want to think that this is because of my condition,
or the recent surgery that I’ve had or the fact that I don’t feel better after
the surgery and the doctor said that I might go under the knife again…Ewan!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I know that this will pass…Salamat
sa mga taong nagpapangiti sa akin…Sa mga jokes na bentang benta, you know who
you are…Thank you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I just have to let it out…To my
poz friends from twitter, I miss you guys…Kita kits soon…Out of town na next
time…Pusit in the Highlands???? Alam na kung saan. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
This post maybe short, but I hope
I’ll feel better after this…Someone told me nga, “You are no longer a fallen
angel, you’re a soaring phoenix”…And like a phoenix, I will rise and be a
better person.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
That’s all for now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mind is still as incoherent as my feelings. </div>
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<br /></div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-81120467448092946712012-03-13T12:01:00.000+08:002012-03-13T12:01:57.460+08:00House Arrest<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtW-H0rsphg9kPubqR0wbbFmzZYU8FX_WsUNgffQ_s7cjZ_i8q5UVI7p3dIeHWMnNl58DvMItQWkr4aOn5LC8A2CF_OCNb67UR_AT7CaDoxOcoDuS3G_YmE2WjUMmtZ4XI9Ftj-T_1Ix8/s1600/crutches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtW-H0rsphg9kPubqR0wbbFmzZYU8FX_WsUNgffQ_s7cjZ_i8q5UVI7p3dIeHWMnNl58DvMItQWkr4aOn5LC8A2CF_OCNb67UR_AT7CaDoxOcoDuS3G_YmE2WjUMmtZ4XI9Ftj-T_1Ix8/s320/crutches.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">House arrest again for another week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last Friday I went to Megamall to have my left foot checked. I’ve been experiencing on and off pain since late last year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last time I had it checked, diagnosis is soft tissue inflammation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last Friday I finally decided to see an orthopedic and have it checked as the pain never goes away and it I seems like it’s growing every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To my surprise, the cute Doctor said that he can no longer give me meds for pain and inflammation since pain is chronic already. So he advised that we inject steroids for the tendons and cast my left foot after. Reason: Tendinitis. So guys, I suggest, any pain you feel or any discomfort go and visit your doctor at once and have it checked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Wag ako gayahin. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Thanks to a good “twitter” friend and a fellow poz who was with me at that time. He accompanied to the clinic and all the way to the taxi bay on my way home. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">All plans ruined, all schedules messed up. I was supposed to have my CD4 count today, together with a very good poz friend. Oh well, I will just have it done next week. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Baby again, for one week. Yung ang una kong naisip. I will have to stay in my parent’s house. Here, almost everything is within arm reach. For two days now, my dad prepared my breakfast. Mom cooks lunch and dinner. And because of my condition, they don’t want me moving around too much. Clothes, food, water even meds – inaabot na lang. I feel helpless but I can’t do anything about it for now. It’s hard to move around with one foot on cast. And instead of thinking that way, I think of it as a blessing. To appreciate my parents and how they care for me and how they really love me. I can see the worry on their face every time they see me walk (I am using a cane when walking), afraid that I might fall or stumble. Oh parents, they are the most wonderful gift from heaven.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">My parents are just AMAZING. Since I was a kid, mom has been taking care of us. I remember having “yaya” until I was in 2<sup>nd</sup> grade and since then Mom has been hands on with me and my Ate. Dad has his own way of showing his love and affection for us. Simple things like cooking our fave food, preparing my breakfast, buying my meds, making sure that all my stuff in my place is in order. And in times like this, that I can really feel their love and care. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">If only for these reasons, I want another House Arrest…even for life. Seriously, I just want to get better and start to work again. I miss going to work; I miss my staffs, my officemates. But when I report for work next week, I will definitely miss my dad’s breakfast and my mom’s freshly cooked lunch and dinner. And more than anything else, I will miss the time spent with them. Watching our favorite show together. Laughing at each other’s joke. Pigging out. I will definitely miss this “House Arrest”.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-47110890558355386842012-02-29T19:24:00.000+08:002012-02-29T19:24:04.826+08:00Love Month<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(Warning: A long read. Might bore you. A month long thoughts and musings.)</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoBodyText"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s the end of the month and I have not written anything yet…I know I promised to write as often but my busy schedule won’t permit me to…But I won’t let this month end without having at least one entry.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">The year started a bit shaky for me, health wise at least. Last month, as mentioned in my previous entry. I was rushed to the ER twice due to Costochondritis. But I’m ok now.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">And so the love month is almost over, but as the song goes…”where is the love?” hahaha!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">There have been good news and heartbreaks this love month. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">I have been busy with work that I never really noticed that Valentine’s Day is almost near and that I have to spend the day alone – again, for the nth time. I don’t mind actually. Living alone for almost seven years makes no difference of spending the “love” day by myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">So much for the V-day. This month, I have met a fellow pozzie. We have been communicating since late last year if my memory serves me right. We planned to meet and have dinner or coffee but our schedule won’t permit us to. And cliché as it may seem; we’ve finally met due to unusual circumstance. He left his meds at home and I have extra since we are going out of town for the office team building. I lent him my meds and that’s how we’ve finally met. We meet again after a week, had dinner and movie. We have yet to schedule or next meet up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Last weekend was another blast. We went out of town again – with my officemates. Spent the night in one of the resorts in Batangas and headed to Tagaytay the next day. That was the only time na napuyat ako after a long time. We stayed until 4am playing cards. I feel normal – again. It’s liberating to do the things that you have been doing before. Except that I did not drink. They were asking me to, but I gladly refused. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Today, I met another angel. We all know that I am still under prophylaxis. I am still taking Azithromycin and Cotrimoxazole. My doctor told me that I will only stop taking the prop if I get two consecutive count of CD4 of 50 and up. Initial CD4 is 31; next CD4 count is due next month. Goal is to make it triple digit this time and next CD4 count will be six months after. So, I still have to take it for another 9 months or so. Today, I met someone who gave me his extra Cotrimoxazole caps. And it’s good for one month. That would mean savings for me. Thank you so much – you know who you are. Thank you also to @iamhivpositivem, I met the guy through him. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">This month also, I was able to talk with other pozzies. And I hope that with the little knowledge and experience that I have, I was able to help them. I hope that the “words of wisdom”, if I may call it has helped them in one way or another. Remember that an angel is just always around the corner ready to listen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">This month could have been perfect if not for the one sad news, which really broke my heart. My Doctor in SAGIP-PGH will be leaving and will only be in SAGIP until today. Ang sad no? She’s been my Doctor since I was diagnosed last May. I met her in June and she has been taking care of me for the last 8 months. It really breaks my heart knowing that she’ll be leaving. She’s leaving SAGIP because she’s already done with her fellowship. I don’t know these things about med but I know that she can start her private practice. And I told her that if she decides to start her practice, she just let me know. I will follow her and be my private Doctor. I have nothing against the other Doctors in PGH, but I have developed trust and “friendship” with her. I am so comfortable talking with her. I will surely miss her. Doc Rose, thank you so much and good luck. See you around.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Love month is over…Summer is here…I will be busy preparing for my next trip…Ang mga intsik kasi ang daming requirements, I just wanted to see The Great Wall…Oh well, securing an NBI clearance pala will really test your patience.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">That’s all for now. Hope you had a blast this love month and hoping that you’ll have an Amazing Summer. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Keep the faith. Stay healthy. Keep smiling. Keep the good vibes coming. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">And to the new followers, thank you. </span><br />
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</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-46200172448088754602012-01-22T19:59:00.000+08:002012-01-22T19:59:41.233+08:00Life!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_jkB5ygCkGe-tmCuusolapVaS7RnnldRIQxd27sF9Yt2sPJ6JTsfkpcitu3ICobyTNzA9-G9VYki94cmtp9uwZtQ6lcxJBZL4tjlA27vmM7ToxRDwCn-oT35tDRH0yUujf9KsdpIEBaU/s1600/Manifesto.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_jkB5ygCkGe-tmCuusolapVaS7RnnldRIQxd27sF9Yt2sPJ6JTsfkpcitu3ICobyTNzA9-G9VYki94cmtp9uwZtQ6lcxJBZL4tjlA27vmM7ToxRDwCn-oT35tDRH0yUujf9KsdpIEBaU/s320/Manifesto.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">So true...What I like the most,<i> </i><b><i>"Getting lost will help you find yourself."</i> </b>So don't be afraid to take a step out of your comfort zone. Don't be afraid to try things out, don't be afraid to sail out in the open sea. You will definitely discover a lot of things, especially about yourself.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>"Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them" </b></i>Like what I have always been telling, being a PLHIV is life changing. Every "gising" is a blessing as they say. And everyday is an opportunity to do good to others, touch their lives, inspire them, put a smile on their face and make a difference. At the end of the day, people will remember you not for what you are but for who you are and how you touched their life. So make each day an opportunity to reach out to others. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> The challenge and the question remains..."How many lives have you touched today?" </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">This goes to everyone out there, to my friends and to all my dear imaginary readers, are you living the life that you want?<b> <i>"Life is too short, Live your dream and wear your passion."</i></b><i><br />
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</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-46195640364357697332012-01-10T11:45:00.000+08:002012-01-10T11:45:05.644+08:00Good News, Bad News<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpD1ZRwEi10ooLxtkFTCRL-5qYF3MF_ue2Zw7Ynj75b5NN1i0KKpRGtLpdp9aIDv71g_hdrGsg1LgrmrurDUbN9yEFjnGhpVzVEVUO_pyRuK7KDelWnlPa5qNV-VLx4D5kB26Ym67QHi0/s1600/goodnbn2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpD1ZRwEi10ooLxtkFTCRL-5qYF3MF_ue2Zw7Ynj75b5NN1i0KKpRGtLpdp9aIDv71g_hdrGsg1LgrmrurDUbN9yEFjnGhpVzVEVUO_pyRuK7KDelWnlPa5qNV-VLx4D5kB26Ym67QHi0/s1600/goodnbn2.gif" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">My thoughts are incoherent now, sorry if this entry will confuse you.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">I turned a year older last week. Like what a lot people are saying, a year older, a year wiser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just a few days after my birthday I met a new pozzie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the day I found out about my HIV status, promised myself that I will try to to reach out and help someone who is need. I am not rich, but I wholeheartedly offer myself as friend and a brother to someone who is lost and confused. I am happy that I gained this person’s trust. But really saddened by the fact that there’s a new HIV case. Actually, barely two weeks since the start of the year, I have already met two new pozzies. And I would like to thank them for sharing their stories with me and for trusting me. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Last weekend, I had my first out of town trip for the year and my first “gimik”. Tired from the out of town trip, I rested for a few hours before heading to the house party. Since morning, I am actually feeling uneasy due to mild chest pains. But my alter-ego – the “I am super fine” me, is saying that everything will be fine and that I have nothing to worry about. And so after a few hours of resting, I went to the party. I had my first taste of alcohol after almost one year of abstinence. I had vodka – alcohol kicked in. But I still know what I am doing, I got home safe. Thanks to the new friends and for the ride home. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Chest pains became intolerable. I had fever last Sunday. I wasn’t able to report for work yesterday. I needed to be rushed to the ER due to the pain and to do all the lab tests to rule out any heart problem and that it is only muscle spasm/stress. So after almost 4 hours in the hospital, I was finally sent home. All the lab tests were normal. Meds for pain and muscle relaxants were given, which I have to take for a week. Tomorrow, I will see my Doctor in SAGIP. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Rounding up the first two weeks of 2012, here are some good and bad news:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Good News:</b> I celebrated my birthday. I was able to reach out to other people – pozzies thru my blog and twitter. I have touched a life and hopefully am an inspiration to others. Once again, I felt the love and caring of my parents. Dad accompanied me to the hospital in the morning; Mom never left my side the entire time I was in the ER. They’re the most wonderful parents. I couldn’t ask for more. I feel guilty though, for not telling them my real health status. But like what we usually say, “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them”. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bad News:</b> First taste of ER for 2012 and hoping that no more hospital visits again for the year except for the regular checkups with my Doctor from SAGIP. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Here’s wishing for more good news for all of us this coming year. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-1600073883371641812011-12-31T14:15:00.002+08:002011-12-31T14:42:36.485+08:00Thank you 2011, What's up 2012!<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-omfhBds7Sfk/Tv6uo7b7AfI/AAAAAAAAADQ/mAjMPUixjpE/s1600/Happy+New+Year+2012+computer+keyboard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-omfhBds7Sfk/Tv6uo7b7AfI/AAAAAAAAADQ/mAjMPUixjpE/s320/Happy+New+Year+2012+computer+keyboard.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">2011 has been a wild roller coaster ride. The one that makes me hold on to the edge of my seat. This will always be a memorable year for me. A lot of good and not so good things have happened. I know this is cliché, but I am letting bygones be bygones. I am bringing with me the good memories of 2011 and leaving behind the hurts, frustrations and pains.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">To my parents – Papa and Mama – Thank you. I can never thank you enough for all the love and support. I may not have been a perfect son, but I know that I have been a good person. And I would like to thank you for raising me well. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">To my sister – Ate – Thank you for the love and understanding. We don’t get to talk as often as we used to be. And yes, I missed those days. I know that your family is your priority now. You are the best and the sweetest sister in the world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">To my BFF’s – M, J and N – Our friendship has been tested by time. Come hell or high water, we are always there for each other. Thank you to the wonderful 15 years of friendship. I am looking forward to more years of laughing, crying and making good memories with you. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">This year I started to blog, I started to tweet. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">To my virtual readers – thank you for peeping. For leaving comments and for liking my entries. I hope that in my own little way, I have touched your lives. I promise to write as often this year.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">To my twitter friends – thank you. Some of you I have met already. And I am looking forward to seeing you guys again. Let’s have coffee or dinner again. And let’s do it often. I am also looking forward to meet my other twitter and virtual friends. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">To YOU – you know who you are. Thank you. I have said this already. Ours is the kind of love that we need. We’re more than friends but less than lovers. Thank you and don’t ever change. ILY.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">2011 is one for the books. Looking forward to making another wild, crazy, wonderful ride with all of you guys this 2012. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">Happy New Year!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-83885196118391947142011-12-27T13:41:00.000+08:002011-12-27T13:41:11.413+08:00twenty eleven<div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Warning: A long read. Due to busy schedule, this could be my year end entry. Welcome the New Year safely.)</span></b></i></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></i><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;">2011...looking back. The year started with a re-org in the office. Like </span><span style="font-size: small;">everybody else, I was hesitant at first. But change is inevitable. And it </span><span style="font-size: small;">turned out to be ok. New bosses were good. Co-officers are kinder, staff </span><span style="font-size: small;">became more efficient. What else could you ask for?</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
Second quarter came and never in my wildest dream that 2011 will play a prank on me. A joke that I have to bear with for the rest of my life. Summer 2011, time for the annual physical exam. My officemate and me decided to have ours scheduled on the same weekend. APE package includes guess what, yes, HIV testing. I was hesitant at first. But after much convincing from my very good officemate friend, we both took it (she - single at that time). And so without further ado, blood samples were taken. No counseling, no talks, NADA. Results came in two weeks after. Just when I thought that everything about me is normal, Blood Sugar - normal, Cholesterol - Normal, Uric Acid - Normal, FBS - Normal. Except for the low "good" cholesterol and my hypertension, everything's perfectly fine. Until two weeks later - a sealed white envelope was handed to me. And my life changed. I froze when I opened it for the first time inside the elevator. Speechless. Cold sweat. Floating. My mind isn't working at that time. All I could think is - death. I don't want to die. <br />
<br />
I immediately went to the nearest chapel. How, I can no longer remember. I kneeled, prayed and ask for my mind to be clear. Never questioned HIM why. Up to this date, I never have the courage to ask HIM why. It was a self made act, nobody but me should be responsible for my doing. All I asked from HIM is for guidance to know what to do and lead me to the right person. For a month, I was out of the loop. I kept it to myself. I talked to no one but me. In prayers I talked with HIM. Saying sorry all the time. Long sleepless nights. For a month, all I did is to read and research about the virus. Is there a cure? What does it do to my body? Are there meds? Am I going to die? What about my parents? What about my sister, my nieces, my aunts? Lots of questions going through my head. The usual bubbly me suddenly became quiet and reserved. People from the office, especially my staff were the first to notice. <br />
<br />
And so after a month of reading, researching and praying. I told myself this has to stop. I can no longer keep it to myself. I met someone from the net - a blogger, and HIV positive as well. The first pozzie friend I knew. He also helped me decide which hub to go. With all the information at hand, I finally had the courage to talk to my bestfriends. After a simple dinner, we went straight to her unit. I finally cried, I breakdown. Friends cried with me and they never questioned me. No judgement. They simply said, we have a big battle to fight and we are all in this together. That made me cry evenmore. As for my sister, I have an earlier post about how I disclosed to her. <br />
<br />
I decided to "enroll" in SAGIP-PGH. The most proximate to where I live and work. <b>(To my imaginary readers, especially for the newly diagnosed who haven't decided yet on which hub you will "enroll", consider proximity. Because if anything happens, you can easily go and see your doctor).</b> Hour past noon, I was knocking at the door of SAGIP with my bff's. After a few minutes of waiting, I was invited inside the clinic and soon my new best friend - my doctor came in. She asked everything about me - I told her everything she needs to know. Doctor simply said, "Ang tapang mo. Wala ka man lang kinausap for a month. But it looks like you have good family background naman kasi hindi ka naman nakaisip gumawa ng masama (suicidal? No Doc, I'm not)." What surprised Doc even more is that I never went through the usual HIV testing procedure - I was never counseled before and after taking the test. Not even a single word when I was handed the sealed envelope. It's as if having the virus is not enough, another blow came in. CD4 is very low at 31. I have to start with ARV's immediately. But I have to defer for two weeks since our family has scheduled a vacation as early as January and can no longer be cancelled. Immediately after our vacation I started with the ARV's.<br />
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It's been almost five months now since I took my first pill of Lamivudine/Zidovudine and Nevirapine - yes, that's my cocktail. Lucky eh, to stick to the first line of meds. I never had unusual side effects. As earlier mentioned in my previous entry, it was Azithromycin (one of my prophylaxis) that sent me to the hospital due to gastritis. Latest lab results are normal, ALT, AST, CBC and platelets are all normal. I am scheduled for my next CD4 and VL count next month. Until then, we will have to know if my body is really responding to the meds. For now, I am happy that I never experienced "nevirapine" rash and anemia. Recently, I found out (through a fellow pozzie who's taking the same cocktail) that there's a one-pill combination for all three meds. I asked my doctor and she said when I am stable enough we will try that one pill combo - yey! <br />
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During the Christmas Eve mass, I was teary eyed while praying. I am so grateful of the many blessings in my life. Despite what I am going through right now and despite what I will go through in the coming years. I don't want to say that this is my second lease in life. Rather, I am thankful that I was given the chance to live it fully and enjoy every single hour of it. Not just share but value time with family, friends and those people very dear to me and close to my heart. This year I learned to laugh a little more, love a lot more, appreciate things more. <br />
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2011 iba ka! 2012 excited na ako sa'yo.<br />
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I am looking forward to 2012. This coming year, I will continue to be a...<br />
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Son. Brother. Friend. This fallen angel will fly again...soon.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3140615589492793722.post-56710393782427781902011-12-19T11:39:00.005+08:002011-12-19T21:54:54.449+08:00tears (cheers) for the holidays!<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">December has always been the busiest month of the year. Dinners, shopping and parties everywhere. Our office party’s theme this year is Masquerade Ball. Being the newbie in the company and the "bibo" kid that I am, I was chosen to be part of the committee. We were incharge in the preparation for the party and have to make sure that everything will run smoothly on the "big" day. I was also tasked to host the party that night. </span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Highlight of the party is the Division’s presentation cum competition. Our Division Head assigned me to lead the group. WTF, it’s as if being a committee member and hosting the party is not enough, I will have to lead a pack of 30 kids (including myself) – I call them kids as most of them are younger than me. After almost 3 weeks of preparation – yes that’s how big the presentation was and that’s how important it is as part of the Christmas Party, things are slowly getting into my nerve and tolling on me. Officemates have noticed the change from being Mr. Nice guy to Mr. Bad Guy – good pa din naman. Sungit lang ng kaunti due to the child-like and childish attitudes of some members of the group. </span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Last night of practice was hell night. I am really tired, after an almost whole day meeting with the committee, interviewing an applicant, meeting with the bosses. As what everyone would say, lowbat na ako during our rehearsal. I wasn’t able to check my phone not until I got home and this is what a very good friend from the office (who knows my sero-positive status) texted me:</span><br />
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<div align="justify"><i><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Teh naramdaman ko hirap at pagod mo. Bilib ako sa’yo. Nagagawa mo lahat yan despite what you’re going through. Wag mo pabayaan sarili mo. Ingat pag-uwi. God Bless unselfish people like you." </span></b></i></div></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><i></i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>(Friend, I can feel that you’re tired and fatigued. I admire you. You can still do all those things despite what you’re going through, Take good care of yourself. Take care going home. God Bless unselfish people like you) –</i> </b>this is my best translation of her message. Hahaha!</span><br />
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<div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyhow, what do I say to that? I am speechless. I never thought that someone would notice those simple gestures. I never complained about going home late and being tired during our practices. I don’t want to give them any hint that I am sick. And that deep inside, I want to breakdown and cry. </span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">After a few minutes, I simply replied "Thank you. I was given the task; I have to do it. Kaya naman."</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That simple message of appreciation brought tears to my eyes. I haven’t cried since opening up with my sister about my status. Not until last week. And this is a good reason to cry. </span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To you, I have already said how much I appreciate your kind words. Thank you very much.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">By the way, our party was a blast. Our senior officers enjoyed the show and I received nice words and review from hosting the program. Our group finished third. Not bad. </span></div><div align="justify"><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Happy holidays everyone. Enjoy the festivities. Stay safe and healthy always.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"></span></b></div>fallen angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10366365331128681427noreply@blogger.com0